i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
