Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
