What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
false alarm, still single
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
