Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
