I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
