just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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