Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
