i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
