I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
