At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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