I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
