i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
