just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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