well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
