they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
