So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
