The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
