It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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