dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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