You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
