Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
