I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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