please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
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