I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
