So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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