did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
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