it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He? As in you personified your dick?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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