I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
