I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Randomize
