I need help removing her.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
