I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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