I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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