You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
