so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
