go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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