hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
