It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
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