How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
where are you?
Hypothermia
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Randomize
