I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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