youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
