Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Randomize
