So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
