I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
