Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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