my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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