i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Randomize
