it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
