she was so not down for the gang bang
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
