You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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