when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
