I'm sorry my penis didn't work
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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