When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
